The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
