You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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