There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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