I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
