chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
