Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
