Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
