so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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