I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
