she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
