Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
