ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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