i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
two words...techno handjob
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
