New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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