My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
