Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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