K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
