Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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