Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
