Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
