i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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