You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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