Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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