Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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