He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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