You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
