i will never coherently bang her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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