i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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