You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
