It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
