I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
