RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
