I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
