So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
