well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
