If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
