I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
