i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
