I wish I could teleport
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
