guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
