So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found your dick twin last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
