I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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