The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
