Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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