New low: just hacked my moms facebook
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
