I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
from now on my penis is your penis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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