We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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