He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
