I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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