My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
