You can't motorboat a personality
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
